Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
