Your tits are I can't wait for
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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