Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize