I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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