Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
