hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
