There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
