What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
