Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
