hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
