I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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