I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
