Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
