Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize