i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
