grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
