Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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