pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Boobs are out for the taking
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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