i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
