someone threw a dead crab at me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
