just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
