I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
