if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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