Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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