Buhtt sex?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
