She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
