Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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