is your mom at the bar?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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