quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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