just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
