i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We need to get me chipped asap
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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