Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
