he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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