felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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