Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
