I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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