Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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