I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
