Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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