If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize