I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
