She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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