I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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