so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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