i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
