Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
