I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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