Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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