I wish you could order shots online.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
