Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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