I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
