Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
