Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
