i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
