i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
