I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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