Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
