dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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