I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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