Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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