I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize