And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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