I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
