Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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