you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
