I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
